We can show our loyalty towards our friends directly in multiple ways. For example by caring, by being there in difficult times, by expressing our admiration of them to third party, etc…
But in certain situations, it is more difficult to demonstrate our loyalty, especially when our friends are not present.
Mary and Alice are friends. While they were catching up after a long time apart, Alice was explaining to Mary how Gabrielle, their common friend, has hurt her.
She was talking strongly about Gabrielle in a negative way, and Mary could sense, she was still deeply hurt from Gabrielle behavior. “I don’t want to talk to her anymore, and we are avoiding each other lately”, said Alice.
Gabrielle was a very good friend of Mary. Alice was now enumerating all the “mean” things that Gabrielle ever did to her. Mary thought that she was overreacting, and she was just listening in silence.
While listening, she started questioning her loyalty towards Gabrielle for just listening without saying a word: “How can I be loyal to Gabrielle in this situation without hurting Alice?” She thought.
To keep silent and just listen can be a way to show your loyalty, but it seems weak because by not saying anything, it seems like you are approving what is being said.
So Mary decided to remember and point out the good qualities of her friend Gabrielle. Even though she possibly behaved “badly” towards Alice, she is still a great amazing and loving human being.
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes under certain conditions and circumstances. By pointing this out explicitly, we can attenuate the negative judgement that is being made about our friend.
Then she tried to explain to Alice some plausible reasons for the behavior of Gabrielle. “May be she just had a bad day as she met you, Alice” said Mary.
Often, our judgement of others is the projection of our self onto them. It can be what we desire, what we fear, what we miss, what we are insecure about, etc…
Our judgement always gives us a clue about our current state of mind. So the next time you want to judge someone, know that you are judging yourself.
And finally, Mary continued by talking about the positive characteristics of Gabrielle, beside the fact that she has hurt Alice’s feelings in the particular situation that Alice was describing.
“Hmm…You know Alice, I understand that you are hurt, and I’m sorry. I feel sad to hear all of this.
I have to say that I know Gabrielle as a very kind and loving person. She is so cheerful and generous with her time. The other day she did helped me with this and that, and I was so impressed. I really admire her and I’m thankful to have her as my friend.
Please try to remember the good aspects and memories of your relationship with her and forgive her for the fact that she did hurt you in that situation. You won’t regret it… And If you want we can talk to her about this together…”
“I…I don’t know…I… will think about it”, replied Alice troubled and contemplatively. She had not expected such a reaction from Mary.
I was very happy and grateful to write this blog post because it is my first requested post 🙂
Thank you for requesting this blog post my dear, I hope this is helpful. I’m glad you choose this beautiful picture for the post yourself.
I appreciate you and your support.
Now, I would love to hear from you, my readers: How do you demonstrate your loyalty in difficult situations like the above?
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